If you’ve read the last two entries in this series, you know the story. I walked through a long, quiet unraveling. First came the gentle undoing—the slow loosening of structures, roles, and rhythms I had built my life around. Then came the fog—the deconstruction and disorientation that stripped away what I thought I knew about God, myself, and the faith I had long called home.
This post is part of a four-part series exploring my deeply personal (yet, community-oriented) journey of spiritual transformation—through deconstruction, disorientation, and reorientation. Each post is a window into a different season of the path: the unraveling, the wandering, the returning, and the re-forming. My hope is that, as you read, you’ll feel less alone in your questions and more aware of the God who walks with us through every chapter.
I shared some reflections a few weeks ago. Although I've been a Bible learner and disciple of Christ for many years, I do not yet have this walk figured out. It's filled with missteps and mistakes, and even when I re-read some of my prior posts, I can see how I could have represented the truth more fully and adequately. It is humbling to know that God still brings truth even in our tiny bit of understanding.
Today, we start a Bible study I've refused to write for months. It is a chapter out of my dark soul and a testament to the bright communion God showed me over a long, swarthy night. I know I need to sit still and get some of the messy, messy work God has graciously done down on paper. I dread it and welcome it all in one.
We have two chapters left in the Gospel of John, and then we’re moving onward and upward. I would like to hear from you about what you’d like to study next, so I’ve included a few options based on what folks have said on Instagram and Facebook. Once that’s done, we’ll head into John 20, which is about running and the resurrection.
I’m experimenting a bit this week and instead of typing out the Scripture, I’ve taken screen shots from my ESV Study Bible (by permission) and highlighted words that came alive to me as I read them. I would encourage you to get your Bible out, too. There’s something about the tangibleness of paper and the texture of the pages that offer us an unexpected perspective.
This week, there is a tiny but powerful word used: if. First, let’s make it clear that God’s love for us is not conditional. He gave an eternal gift willingly through the death and resurrection of Christ. However, it’s important to note that as believers, there is a link between love and obedience. Christ’s love for us drove Him to action. Love cannot exist without action.
The word love – mentioned three times in this single verse – has a powerful root. Love, in this context, translates to agape in the Greek. Agape is unconditional love – it requires nothing in return and abounds in grace (undeserved favor). We could read the verse like this: “As the Father has unconditionally loved Me, so I deeply love you with a love that requires nothing in return. Now dwell richly in My abounding grace.”
So often we try to add to God’s glory through our own efforts. 1 Peter 4:11 says, “If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To Him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.”
