Old Habits: Psalm 25

This week we officially start Psalm 25. As I mentioned, we're taking it slow. 

I was at the lake with the family last week in Hot Springs, Arkansas. It was some much-needed time off, but I struggled to slow my soul and rest. This season has been a tough one for me.

It seems as though the old habits rear their head, and past sins torment me once again. Again, Paul's words in Romans stir in my heart:

"Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin." —Romans 7:24-25

My mind has been running non-stop lately, and I recognize that it's because my soul isn't anchored to His Word as it should. Sure, I'm getting up and having my morning quiet time. It's not unfruitful or in vain. But, the absolute surrender of all that I am, all that I have, and all I ever hope to be are lackluster. 

"Your god may be your little Christian habit - the habit of prayer or Bible reading at certain times of your day. Watch how your Father will upset your schedule if you begin to worship your habit instead of what the habit symbolizes. We say, 'I can't do that right now; this is my time alone with God.' No, this is your time alone with your habit." —Oswald Chambers

Let us not worship our habit, but worship our God. Today, the Lord presents His Word to us. A short verse in Psalm 25:1 for us to mull over. To ponder. To speak to others. It reads:

To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. —Psalm 25:1

That's it. Nine words. This psalm opens by expressing confidence in the Lord. Each day, we "lift up" our souls. "Lift up" means to point our desires toward, set our heart on, be greedy towards, or count on. Morning by morning we lift up our souls to something or someone. It takes an intentional and obedient act to direct our desire to God Almighty. Maybe you've figured it out, but from my experience, it doesn't happen naturally because our flesh is adversarially working. 

I find that when I start my days in a humble posture — often, physically on my knees in surrender — God's power rises to meet me. Then, as I lift my soul to Him, knowing that no good thing comes from me, He can use what I've surrendered just like the boy with the barley loaves and fish. A small gift abundantly multiplied. 

"Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?" —John 6:9

"For with God nothing shall be impossible." —Luke 1:37

Rarely do I feel like getting on my knees. Rarely do I want to. But, it's in the moments of feeling unmotivated, defeated, tired, anxious, overwhelmed, and outright rebellious that I find God is the closest. That is, if I'm willing to point my desires to Him. He is willing to work to will and act in holiness. 

"for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." Philippians 2:13

I encourage you to do that now and say, "To you, O Lord, I lift up my soul." Then, wait for hope to appear.

When life is heavy and hard to take,

    go off by yourself. Enter the silence.

Bow in prayer. Don’t ask questions:

    Wait for hope to appear.

Don’t run from trouble. Take it full-face.

    The “worst” is never the worst.

Lamentations 3:28-30 (Message)

Choose Your Words Wisely

I'm not into New Year resolutions. Mainly because they set our human flesh up for disappointment and failure, and I've pretty much got that covered for life. However, these last couple of years I've had a word. Not a goal, not a resolute, but a single word the Lord stamped on my soul. Last year, it was sit (link provided if you want to read it). The year prior it was white space. 

This year, I went more phrase-ish. You know, because one word wasn't enough and I had to raise the bar [insert sarcasm]. The phrase is this: Here I am. Three potent words I can feebly speak to Christ. I've chewed on these seven letters for a couple months now, and God has had an echo...echo...echo by way of His Word and in random conversations which caused me to latch on to this statement.  

We read several Here I am examples in Scripture:

• Abraham spoke these three words in Genesis 22:1 and 22:11 when God was testing him with the sacrifice of his son, Isaac.

• Jacob answered the angel of the Lord in Genesis 31:11 by saying, "Here I am."

• Moses said it in Exodus 3:4 when God called to him from a burning bush.

• The Lord called Samuel and he answered, "Here I am" (1 Samuel 3:4).

However, with Here I am being a short sentence, it's easy to pin on conditions (and it was effortless for me to type these because they've been whirling around in my mind):

• Here I am...as long as it's doesn't interrupt my plans.

• Here I am...whenever it "feels" right.

• Here I am...once I get this next thing marked off my list.

• Here I am...but, please don't ______________.

I know God wants a period (.) after the statement. He's not looking for a comma, ellipsis, hyphen, or any other sort of punctuation. He wants the entirety of me; and frankly, that's unnerving. 

When I was younger, I played the piano. I enjoyed it, but I didn't much care for performing in front of others. Any time I would have a recital, competition, or play for church, I'd almost always wear a long dress. No one paid attention (except Grandma), but I did it because my knees would shake so hard it was the only way to keep folks from seeing them rattle like a warped set of brakes. Maybe I'm a touch on the melodramatic side, but the words "here I am" rank far above my childhood performance anxieties!

In hindsight, I'm grateful I had those knee-knocking experiences. I still want to throw up in my mouth a wee bit rehashing those memories, but it was an invaluable experience. If I hadn't conquered those tousled struggles, I wouldn't have the courage I do today. As Mark Twain once said, "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not absence of fear." 

While my 2018 "Here I am" statement makes me a touch nauseated, I know God will never force Himself on me. He overflows with everlasting patience, and as He calls me out upon the waters where my feet fail (and my knees knock), His grace will abound (props to Hillsong United for those lyrics). Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and Samuel uttered those same words and served God fiercely. Don't miss this next part because what is even more comforting is what we read in Revelation 3:19-20:

19 Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. 20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

Jesus says "Here I am," too. They weren't just words for Him, but a complete expression and unabridged outpouring of Himself. I love how Jesus speaks to our hearts the very same words He desires us to say. And with that, I open the door and graciously accept those knee-knocking interruptions from I AM because I know He's faithful and it'll totally be worth it. Amen. 

What's your word (from Him) for 2018?

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