If you’ve read the last two entries in this series, you know the story. I walked through a long, quiet unraveling. First came the gentle undoing—the slow loosening of structures, roles, and rhythms I had built my life around. Then came the fog—the deconstruction and disorientation that stripped away what I thought I knew about God, myself, and the faith I had long called home.
This post is part of a four-part series exploring my deeply personal (yet, community-oriented) journey of spiritual transformation—through deconstruction, disorientation, and reorientation. Each post is a window into a different season of the path: the unraveling, the wandering, the returning, and the re-forming. My hope is that, as you read, you’ll feel less alone in your questions and more aware of the God who walks with us through every chapter.
I shared some reflections a few weeks ago. Although I've been a Bible learner and disciple of Christ for many years, I do not yet have this walk figured out. It's filled with missteps and mistakes, and even when I re-read some of my prior posts, I can see how I could have represented the truth more fully and adequately. It is humbling to know that God still brings truth even in our tiny bit of understanding.
Today, we start a Bible study I've refused to write for months. It is a chapter out of my dark soul and a testament to the bright communion God showed me over a long, swarthy night. I know I need to sit still and get some of the messy, messy work God has graciously done down on paper. I dread it and welcome it all in one.
While Song of Songs has no apparent religious content, it has significant spiritual meaning. Think of the Song of Songs as a playlist on Spotify that tells the melodic story of a couple's dating life, engagement, wedding, and marriage. It has undertones and crescendos, like all love songs that move you.
Around Thanksgiving, I decided our next blog study would be Song of Songs. The book of Revelation intimidates most Bible teachers. Hear me when I say this: I'd write Revelation 5x before the Song of Songs. The Song is not just about sex; it is about love. It is not only about bodies; it is about whole persons [Ryken]. We have an intense desire for love, a passion that mirrors a more significant and more profound hunger for God's love. It seems unattainable for me to grasp how these eight chapters describe my relationship with God.
I was reminded the last few days of how "I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate" (Romans 7:15). My flesh is so weak. In case you weren't aware, just because I write Bible studies doesn't mean I don't struggle. I am not exempt from temptations or warring between my sinful flesh and the Spirit. Some days are harder than others, and I wrestle with temptation like every other believer (1 Corinthians 10:13).
If you're not following along on Instagram or Facebook, be sure to do so. We've been working through Proverbs 3 lately, which contains six sets of instructions. Each section includes a call to act in wisdom. It's an appeal for living in the Light, fearing the Lord in all respects, and it ties closely to both Ecclesiastes 7 and 8.
There have been seasons where I wanted “the answer.” I tried to understand the past. I wanted to see pieces of the puzzle I couldn't see. I craved to know what I couldn't figure out. However, through the years, I have learned to rest in the work of the Cross. It was all seen — and paid for — on Calvary.
One day, we'll read our own stories. The ups and downs. The ebbs and flows. We’ll read the paragraphs where life smeared the ink and the pages stuck together with pain. I'm confident that when we read our story — cover to cover — we'll finish it knowing God was magnificently at work. He is the author and finisher of our faith.
I have to be careful about what magazines and books I buy to peruse, the shows and movies I watch, and other "intakes" of life. When I fail to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23), it causes my heart to have "the wants." I begin desire or daydreaming of something else instead of practicing contentment in the present moment.
In chapters 1 and 2, the skeptical and pessimistic Solomon presents four arguments that seem to prove how life is not worth living. Those four arguments are the monotony of life (which we talked about some last week), the vanity of wisdom (1:12-18, 2:12-17), the futility of wealth (2:1-11), and the certainty of death (2:12-23).
I mentioned in the intro and the YouTube video about Solomon's posture in writing this book: it was from a broken and carnal state. We must remember this as we study Ecclesiastes. It has a disappointing perspective because this was toward the end of Solomon's life when he was living contrary to God's Word. We’re going to talk this week about the difference between hebel (a vapor) and hope (the absolute expectation of coming good).
I’m currently working at home (I’m in the tech and payments industry) and the boys are doing their studies with the help of me and my husband. So, for those of you who are adjusting to new routines and learning how to work remotely (and actually get work done)—while managing childcare and studies—I get you! Let’s choose to use this season—that can be a bit chaotic—to create memorable memories for the next generation.
“Let us specially beware of one great mistake. Many Christians think their own salvation is the first thing; their temporal life and prosperity, with the care of their family, the second; and what of time and interest is left may be devoted to fruit-bearing, to the saving of men. No wonder that in most cases very little time or interest can be found. No, Christian, the one object with which you have been made a member of Christ's Body is that …”
